


a supercut of us

by wasd



Category: Buzz (Korea Band), 아는 형님 | Knowing Bros | Ask Us Anything
Genre: Bodyswap, Break Up, Crossdressing, Established Relationship, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining, Pre-Relationship, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Veela
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2019-07-06 15:51:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 5,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15889188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wasd/pseuds/wasd
Summary: a collection of heechul/kyunghoon ficlets, mostly inspired by specific moments in knowing bros episodes





	1. the wonder of you (episode 23) (crossdressing)

**Author's Note:**

> most of these were originally posted on twitter as low-res photos of unedited text :D:
> 
> title from lorde's supercut.

Knowing Brothers is taking a break from its usual format in favor of a tie-up with Produce 101, which will inanely have the cast (average age: 40.2) compete against idols for spots in a girl group. Kyunghoon hasn't cross-dressed or learned a dance since his unfortunate solo days—yet here he is, going over the steps to "Pick Me" in his head while stylists fuss over Soogeun.

"Don't make me too pretty. Kyunghoon here might fall in love with me for real," Soogeun tells the makeup artist, batting his eyelashes.

Heechul wanders into the dressing room. "Who's falling in love with who? Never mind. Hyung, let me stay here for a while," he begs Soogeun. "Janghoon-hyung's complaining so much about everything and he won't shut up. My ears are bleeding."

Kyunghoon's stylist taps his knee. "Oppa, have some modesty," she scolds, and he sheepishly presses his legs together.

Heechul goes to Kyunghoon and perches on the armrest of his chair. Kyunghoon stares at their reflections in the mirror. Heechul is all done up, except he hasn't got a wig on. It's incongruous, his unstyled hair framing a perfectly made-up face, but Heechul pulls it off. Kyunghoon picks at the pleats of his skirt, swallows a comment on how Heechul can go out just the way he is and still be voted number one by the Korean public.

"How do girls stand this, my legs are so cold," Heechul complains. He brazenly grabs Kyunghoon's hands and envelops them in his own, marvels, "Yah, you're so warm, unnie."

"Oh, look at those two, what a picture you make," Youngchul remarks from the doorway.

"Jealous, Youngmi?" says Heechul over his shoulder. "You can't have my Ssamja." Heechul presses closer to Kyunghoon's side, his bared thigh, pale and smooth, nearly draped across Kyunghoon's lap. Out of the corner of his eye, Kyunghoon can see his stylist's mute distress at two oppas-turned-noonas flaunting so much skin in public. He can't quite bring himself to care.

"'Ssamja'? Is that what we're calling her, Heemi?" Soogeun calls out.

Heechul murmurs, so close to Kyunghoon's temple that Kyunghoon could hear him breathing, "I could eat you right up." He winks at Kyunghoon's reflection. Reflexively, Kyunghoon winks back, and it must be so unexpected that Heechul bursts out laughing, nearly tipping off the chair and taking Kyunghoon with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> produce 101 again was a _gift_
> 
> and yes, this is just an attempt at a korean pun. both 'ssam' and 'ssamjang' are names of food.


	2. don't swallow the cap (pining kyunghoon)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not inspired by a specific episode, but generally that period in 2016 when kyunghoon's arm was broken (and later it's revealed that he had a cracked sternum or something as well)

One way Kyunghoon would have described it, if anybody were to ask:

Sitting in a doctor's office, watching as they raise the x-ray of his insides up to the light, and peering at the fuzzy white blobs on the dark film, interrupting his doctor's explanation with, "I've never seen that blob before, what is that, should i be worried," and his doctor going, "that blob's always been there, don't worry about it,"

His love for Heechul was that fuzzy blob—it took a trick of the light, but once revealed: it's always been there, or it feels like it's always been there, carried around in his body. And it's—odd—because he's had phones longer than he's known Heechul, but he never felt like those phones were ever calcified in his bones, pumping through his veins, written into the wrinkles of his skin, cradled inside the safest nook behind his ribs.

The doctor's right, too: there's no need to worry. It's an easy feeling, effortless and straightforward. He had not expected that. Heechul remains out of his reach, the distant star he always says he is, and Kyunghoon just smiles, smiles, smiles, and doesn't feel any of the pain he'd been bracing for. Later, he figures it out: How can this love hurt when it's a part of him?

(The logic is unsound, of course, because broken bones and broken hearts hurt, they hurt like demons, and he's intimate with all three.

But his body is wonderful at mending itself, stitching the ragged bits together, resilient. No agony can ever be permanent, no scar that can't diminish in its power to haunt if swathed in time's muffling cocoon.)

Nobody ever asks him, though, because it's all inside where nobody can see.

One day, the love he carries may fester, suppurate, rot, starved of the luminous warmth of Heechul's hands. It'll be a dead, useless lump—resembling not so much love, but the corpse of regrets.

Or, maybe, he'll eventually find out what his body has known all along: he can bear the weight of this love as long as he needs to. That he doesn't need to hide it inside himself, because Heechul can bear it too. Never mind the broken bones and broken hearts; Heechul is always, always, always worth every risk.


	3. hot scary summer (taxi episode 453) (breakup)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> based on heechul and kyunghoon discussing how they Do Relationships in the tv show taxi. the full ep is [here](http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x545f9g), for those who haven't seen it yet.

It ended, like all of Heechul's relationships inevitably did. He didn't know why he'd thought this time would be different. Except he did know. It was hoping that Kyunghoon's success with years-spanning romances would cancel out his months-long failures. He never told Kyunghoon this, because it was a childish kind of magical thinking he thought he wasn't capable of.

Maybe he should have told Kyunghoon. He'd have found it weird but funny, that in cancelling each other out, they ended up in the mean: nearly a year, the longest relationship he ever had, and for Kyunghoon, the shortest. Heechul liked making him laugh.

Also funny: this was the first time Heechul did the breaking up. Actually said, upfront, "Let's break up," instead of passive-aggressively making his partner break up with him. At least two streaks were broken.

No, make that three. He and Kyunghoon managed to remain in speaking terms. Being on the same show helped. Kind of hard ignoring each other when they spent nearly three years establishing a bromance in the maknae line. They'd already had to endure multiple versions of Hodong's lectures on their responsibilities to their viewers. Neither of them wanted netizens obsessively scrutinizing their micro-expressions for every flaw, every crack. 

Or, rather, Kyunghoon said, managing to look at Heechul without looking at him, the netizens would predictably make Heechul out to be the asshole again, which was unfair.

Heechul almost replied, but don't you think I'm an asshole, except that that would be harsh, and not even their relationship falling apart could make Heechul act in any way other than soft towards Kyunghoon.

Even the breakup was soft, if the gentlest twist of the knife could be called that. Heechul couldn't even tell how it affected Kyunghoon, afterwards, since Heechul timed that conversation on Friday morning, and the next time they met, it was Thursday and Kyunghoon was—

Quiet, slightly run down, rumpled. But fine.

So was Heechul, but he was prepared for the Friday morning conversation. He didn't even give Kyunghoon a chance. But for Thursday, Kyunghoon was ready.

Heechul didn't want to think about Kyunghoon practicing saying _fine, i'm fine, it's nothing, just tired,_ to his mirror on Wednesday night. Shouldn't think about him at all—he gave up being that person to Kyunghoon. In turn, Kyunghoon gave up the right to occupy his thoughts. Polite, deferential Kyunghoon—who could be as stubborn as mountains about the pettiest things—gave in to Heechul.

Well, maybe he wasn't always soft for Kyunghoon. There's a spiky little ball in his throat, of what-Heechul-could-have-asked-if-he-wasn't-trying-not-to-be-an-asshole: why didn't you ask me to change my mind?

But he knew why he didn't. Two idiots too afraid of what the other would have answered. Couldn't even say the only words that would have mattered in the long silence of that Friday morning: 

please.

stay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm aware that as of now i've written two (2) breakup stories and yet none where they fake date OR accidentally acquire a baby OR swap bodies?? the real monster is me :D:


	4. call you darling (episode 142) (pre-relationship flirting)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> inspired by this exchange in e142:
>
>> kyunghoon: [tells a story about yoon do hyun helping buzz during their early days]  
> hodong: why did you only bring this up now? we didn't know about this.  
> kyunghoon: no one asked.  
> youngchul: he didn't have a chance to talk about this before.  
> kyunghoon: how would i know if you guys are interested in this story?
> 
> and the odds that a person uses [their own birthday as a passcode](https://ilikekillnerds.com/2014/09/the-most-common-iphone-passcodes-and-how-to-guess-them/)

Heechul gestured imperiously. "Give me your phone, let's exchange numbers," and, nonplussed, Kyunghoon did. They'd only known each other for a few hours, most of it while stripped down to their undershirts in the winter cold, but Kyunghoon could already tell that Heechul very rarely didn't get his own way.

As though handed some rare artifact, Heechul gingerly handled Kyunghoon's phone (he didn't get why people wanted him to upgrade when the screen was still intact and he could still play Hearthstone on it), then started tapping away.

It was only when he handed it back that Kyunghoon remembered that he didn't unlock his phone. But then how could Heechul have—the screen lit up with a notification that [star emoji] [ramen emoji] [two dancing ladies emoji] [character for 'hee'] [two dancing ladies emoji] [ramen emoji] [star emoji] had messaged him on kkt—accessed the home screen when Kyunghoon didn't tell him his passcode? Maybe Kyunghoon had grazed the power button with his thumb as he gave the phone to Heechul.

(Kyunghoon was obscurely proud that he recognized the emojis Heechul used. Thanks, Junki, for teaching him where the emoji keyboard was.)

"There's only five days between your birthday and Buzz's debut, right?" Heechul asked, out of the blue.

Kyunghoon, inwardly wondering why Heechul knew a surprising number of things about him, went over the dates in his head. "Um, yes?"

"Why do you sound so unsure about that?" Heechul leaned into Kyunghoon's space with a grin. "Which date did you forget?"

Kyunghoon flushed at his teasing (and his proximity; oh, he didn't know that Heechul smelled like peaches). "No, that's not what—we used to combine my birthday with the band's birthday into one celebration. I got a cake, the other members got a cake, it was just our thing."

"Bet you insisted on getting a slice of the band cake even though you had your own," Heechul said, brows raised and eyes bright with suppressed laughter.

"I'm also a member!" Kyunghoon insisted, not denying it, pitching forward as he gave in to the helpless giggles at the memory of his past antics.

Heechul's grin softened into something—fond? "That's a pretty cool band tradition. You know," and Heechul did laugh then, a soft huff that seemed to not be directed at Kyunghoon, "I saw some of the interviews you guys did, and you never told that story before."

"Nobody asked," Kyunghoon replied, 'until you'.


	5. cut to the feeling (bodyswap)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tei was on a bunch of episodes of baek jong-won's alley restaurant, [cooking gourmet seafood burgers](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PfQdpIzorz8) and [showing off his biceps](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7a-_88LYZms). it was _nice_
> 
> (btw, this is [tei](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOuQY_phMrE))
> 
> moreover: bodyswap!

Of all the things Heechul had thought he would do while stuck inside Kyunghoon's body, he hadn't expected one of them to be taste-testing the gourmet burgers being cooked by Kyunghoon's ex-something.

'Ex-boyfriend,' Heechul corrected himself. 'Tei is Kyunghoon's ex-boyfriend.' He didn't want to examine too closely why the label simultaneously annoyed and thrilled him.

"This is a little weird for me too," Tei said, as if reading his mind. "Sorry. Kyunghoon makes that face when he's getting ready to run away from an awkward situation. Anyway, here's the next one, let me know what you think," placing a laden plate on the table and turning away to fuss over his stove.

Heechul regarded the dish, an intimidating pile of black buns, creamy sauce and crisp green lettuce. It smelled very strongly of seafood. He opened his mouth—

Not even looking back at Heechul, Tei called out, "Don't worry, I made sure that there's no shrimp or anything he's allergic to in the burger."

"Great," Heechul muttered, pushing down on his rising urge to flip the dining table and storm out of the room. He and Kyunghoon made a pact to act as normal as possible during this highly-abnormal situation, and if Kyunghoon's normal involved being fed succulent meats by an ex in the said ex's cozy apartment, then so be it. He would keep his awful and dumb promise.

(Why was he so irritated? Before this, he and Tei had the kind of vaguely pleasant polite relationship of two artists who weren't in the same genre and didn't run in the same circles. Also, from what Kyunghoon had said as he explained why Heechul had to go to Tei's place for dinner, Tei had taken the news about Heechul and Kyunghoon's "issue" pretty well.

But when Heechul arrived at Tei's doorstep, he'd said, "When Kyunghoon told me that you swapped bodies, I thought I was mishearing things. But here you are," and Tei'd waved his hand at Heechul-as-Kyunghoon, "and Kyunghoon would never dress like that during his stylist's off-day. So I knew he wasn't making stuff up." And that? _That_ had immediately raised Heechul's hackles. 

Up until then, he'd been proud of himself for a decent job emulating Kyunghoon. He'd done his best to manage the bursts of anxiety and agoraphobia that seemed to ebb and flow through Kyunghoon like the tide. He'd picked boring set lists for Kyunghoon's next gigs even though he wanted to go wild with the sheer range of what Kyunghoon's voice could achieve. Hell, he'd even played an entire soccer game with people from Kyunghoon's agency without landing somebody in the hospital. No former flames were in any position to judge him.

Though, he could grudgingly concede that the bright red sneakers and floral bomber jacket he'd worn to Tei's weren't typical Kyunghoon gear—he'd swiped them from his own closet after he saw for himself the dire state of Kyunghoon's wardrobe.)

Heechul settled for glaring ineffectually at Tei's broad back. To his horror, his gaze was caught by the flex and swell of Tei's arms as he sautéed some onions in a pan, and his entire body— _Kyunghoon's entire body_ —tingled.

Part of the pact had been to not do anything precarious with each other's bodies—up to and especially keeping all touching limited to strict upkeep and grooming only. Even so, some mornings, Heechul had woken up in Kyunghoon's bed still submerged in the haze of shivery dreams and Kyunghoon's smell, and he now had specific indelible knowledge of what Kyunghoon felt when he wanted to get fucked. 

_How "ex" is "ex", anyway?_ Heechul sullenly wondered, _and is Kyunghoon only into dudes who work out a lot?_

To distract himself from these troubling insights, he picked up the burger and took a bite. Fuck, it tasted good, better than good, like, tearful heartfelt reunion with the one who got away kind of amazing. If it had been Heechul's ex who'd cooked him this burger, Heechul wasn't sure he'd be able to control himself from begging to be taken back. Knowing what he knew about Kyunghoon's weakness for home cooking, maybe it was serendipitous that Heechul's mind was controlling Kyunghoon's body at this moment.

It was for Kyunghoon's sake, after all. Tei was nice and all, but he was an _ex_ for a reason. Heechul was just being the best possible friend a person could be under the circumstances, those circumstances being him inside Kyunghoon in a perfectly platonic, completely non-sexual way with absolutely zero funny business. That's what friends did, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the tei/kyunghoon tag is my penance for making janghoon/heechul canonical
> 
> ...these things are getting longer.


	6. can't move until you show me (pining kyunghoon again)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> because when i think about this ship, it always seems to go back to:
>
>> junki, an Expert: kyunghoon is quite cautious of others. he looks at people and reads their faces all the time. he can't easily get along with others.  
> kyunghoon, to heechul: "at our first meeting, the reason i opened my heart to you." (trans. by [elviniard](https://archiveofourown.org/users/elviniard/pseuds/elviniard))

On Thursdays, Kyunghoon's hands smell like Heechul.

Yejun consults him on baby-friendly hypoallergenic skincare brands, and Solbi sarcastically compliments him on finally discovering lotion, but it takes a stray remark from his stylist for Kyunghoon to figure out that the faint note of fruits and flowers that's been lingering around him is, in fact, Heechul's hand cream.

Only three years, but already this is among the constants in Kyunghoon's brand new post-military, variety-mainstay life. On Thursdays:

  1. Hodong will make Kyunghoon's ears ring due to his shouting;
  2. Janghoon will name-drop at least one (1) celebrity Kyunghoon doesn't know;
  3. Youngchul will make at least one (1) English joke that Kyunghoon doesn't understand;
  4. Soogeun will say unbelievably elaborate and outrageous swear words while warming up in their shared waiting room;
  5. Sangmin will hug Kyunghoon to ease his nerves frayed by the cacophony of filming; and
  6. By the time Kyunghoon goes home, his hands will smell like Heechul.



When his mom notices (because she always does), she says, with her ageless grace, "It's nice that he's taking care of you. I've been worried."

In his own way, Heechul does take care of Kyunghoon. He's the one Kyunghoon consults when the others are throwing around a music or entertainment reference beyond Kyunghoon's limited knowledge. His provocation of Hodong encourages Kyunghoon to push the boundaries of his own disrespectful maknae concept. Kyunghoon can even concede that the head voice imitations are a very effective way to get Kyunghoon to react on-camera during the times when he'd been worried about his inability to ad-lib (not that he'll ever admit this to Heechul, because, god, the man does not need to be encouraged). Much like taking each other's sides shows off their solidarity to their much older hyungs, the skinship is Kyunghoon's assurance that Heechul's unrepentant wildness is cushioned by the unlooked-for kindness of his hands.

He refuses to read too much into it, though. It's not difficult to be attracted to Heechul, to hunger for his touch and smile and his pin-point attentions. Kyunghoon knows he has a particular predilection for hyungs and noonas who want to take care of him, dating back to his first kiss with his high school senior. But Kyunghoon's grown up from being a needy, desperate boy, a sunflower straining for the attention of a distant sun, regardless of what his hyungs like to insinuate. He's experienced in dealing with inconvenient feelings for a senior musician beyond his reach, used to scrunching these feelings up into a tiny ball and shoving it into a dark corner in his mind to be repressed for all eternity, knows well enough to not say a goddamn thing.

(If, once or twice, he presses his fingers to his lips in a mockery of a kiss, breathing in the lush garden scent, that's nobody's problem but his own.)

What doesn't help is that, despite being on guard when most of humanity is concerned, Kyunghoon has an ongoing problem with maintaining any defenses against Heechul.

Case in point: right now, as they watch their boy group guest perform their comeback single, Heechul is draped across his back, his chin digging into Kyunghoon's shoulder, his arm slung companionably along Kyunghoon's side. When Kyunghoon turns his head to ask Heechul the group's name (again), the silky ends of Heechul's hair caress his cheek. His breath catches, his lungs squeezing out air like he's at the midpoint of a three-hour-long concert, and the question at the tip of his tongue dissolves into nothing.

Being the one Heechul chooses to be near to is a dizzying feeling. Kyunghoon swallows reflexively, hyper-aware that only four layers of fabric separate his bare skin from Heechul's. He's humming along to the track; the vibrations reverberate in Kyunghoon's body. Each note is a little shockwave, a devastating little blow to Kyunghoon's eroding defenses.

When the performance ends, Kyunghoon counts, _one, two, three, four,_ before Heechul lets go. His back feels so much colder.


	7. hashtag blessed (veela kyunghoon gen)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i started writing veela!kyunghoon sometime in...may? but it never quite gelled together into a complete fic. this snippet's technically not heechul/kyunghoon, but you can be assured that my notes for this would've eventually involved awkward boners and somebody discovering the true meaning of veela-induced attraction

"There's no easy way to say this," Professor Lee Soogeun said, "but you're a veela, Kyunghoon."

He seemed to be expecting a response, so Kyunghoon said, "Cool." 

His teachers looked at each other in a flurry of raised eyebrows and chinwags. Finally, Professor Lee Sangmin heaved a deep soundless sigh and asked Kyunghoon, "You don't know what a veela is, do you?"

Fiddling with the sleeves of his robes, Kyunghoon resisted the futile urge to disapparate out of the headmaster's office. "Not really." Professor Kim Byung Man eventually had to ban him from handling anything in Care of Magical Creatures due to his unusual and frankly impressive allergic reactions. "Is that a good thing?"

Professor Lee Soogeun scratched his head. "Do you even go to classes, kid?"

Kyunghoon's head jerked defensively. He might be a terrible student, but he was still enrolled, last he checked. "Yes, sir," he said. "My band makes sure to only practice after school."

"You should be dedicating all your time to the mastery of magic! We owe it to our illustrious ancestors!" Headmaster Kang proclaimed. He eyed Kyunghoon beadily. "Who even gave you the idea to pursue music at such a pivotal time in a young wizard's life?"

Kyunghoon bit the inside of his cheek, while at the corner of his eye, he saw Professor Lee Sangmin discreetly ghost through the sofa, out of the headmaster's line of sight. 

Headmaster Kang looked like he found poop in his dumpling soup. He slapped Professor Lee Soogeun's shoulder. "You explain it."

"What? You're the headmaster!"

"This is making me uncomfortable," Headmaster Kang muttered. "He's making me uncomfortable." And promptly retreated behind his desk, scowling out the window. 

"We could put him in private lessons until we find a veela expert," Professor Lee Sangmin said, but nobody except Kyunghoon heard him.

Professor Lee Soogeun eyed Headmaster Kang, then Kyunghoon, then Headmaster Kang again. "Oh for fuck's sake. Do you need to go out? Because Sangmin and I certainly can't stop you if you try anything."

Headmaster Kang's poop-in-my-soup expression intensified, alarming Kyunghoon. "Sirs," he interjected, "what's going on?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes sangmin is a ghost professor in this au ~~you can't be in debt if you're a ghost, that's ghost law!~~


	8. let me know when your phone's off airplane mode (episode 143) (fuck buddies in denial)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the secret subtitle of this ficlet collection is: SEARCH YOUR FEELINGS KYUNGHOON, YOU KNOW IT TO BE TRUE
> 
> eta: this is inspired by heechul in the roo'ra special saying that ppl who want to be close to kyunghoon have to be nice to buzz first, ty for letting us know, man

"Tell Heechul thanks for the heads up about that vinyl place in Seongsu-dong. I picked up some good records there last Tuesday," says Yejun.

Kyunghoon frowns. "Heechul— Kim Heechul?"

Yejun frowns back. "How many Heechuls do you know?" Sunghee, on Yejun's other side, elbows him and shoots him a look Kyunghoon can't interpret. "Oh! Was I not supposed to say—"

"Say what?" Kyunghoon asks. A low-grade panic bubbles up his stomach as he tries to process this revelation. "Why are you talking to Heechul-hyung? How are you talking to him?"

"We text," Yejun says, bland as a slab of unseasoned tofu and about as helpful. One reason why he's Buzz's leader is because he's immune to Kyunghoon's completely rational and understandable dramatic fits. "Isn't that how most people talk to each other?"

Sunghee jumps in. "You should get your ears checked, Kyunghoon. Too much blood there can be a sign of sickness." Junki, who's only barely pretending to be on his phone behind them, snickers loudly, flashing a peace sign when Kyunghoon directs his pout at him.

With their mood, any serious attempts to extract information will be futile. Giving up on the useless traitors, Kyunghoon looks around for Woohyun, the only member of Buzz he can successfully bend to his will 3/5ths of the time, but he's in a corner with his heavy-duty headphones on and his guitar in his lap. Nobody disturbs Woohyun when he's got the headphones on.

"—why don't you ask Heechul?"

"I'm asking you," Kyunghoon retorts. He refuses to admit that he and Heechul don't really talk when they meet up. Sure, they chat about games and music and comics and the ten people they have in common, but that's just idle pleasantries before Kyunghoon is bent over Heechul's sectional, or pressed up against the kitchen doorway, or, rarely, panting into his back as they curl up in Heechul's oversized bed.

Semi-regular buddy-fucking doesn't seem to lend itself to deep, meaningful conversations. Or even conversations that begin with, "So, hyung, why do you have my drummer's mobile number?" Somehow, that opening feels like it's wobbling treacherously over a line that Kyunghoon had forced himself to draw when Heechul first proposed their current arrangement.

As he careens through this train of thought, Kyunghoon starts, the panic now threatening to strangle him. "Wait," he chokes out, "He— you— does he have _everybody's_ numbers?" and gets three identical shrugs in response.

There's a pull in his chest, aching and dismayed. He doesn't even know where to start untangling the labyrinthine meanings behind Heechul's actions, but Kyunghoon is pretty sure that making nice with your fuckbuddy's friends means things, and Kyunghoon's worried that the thing is as dangerous as hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IDK KYUNGHOON WHAT DOES IT MEAN WHEN YOUR SEXFRIEND IS MAKING NICE WITH YOUR BFFS
> 
> WHAT A PUZZLE
> 
>  
> 
> _HMM_


	9. take my hand (take my whole life too) (episodes 1-16) (pre-relationship)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember the first 16 episodes of kb? r.i.p. empty soundstage and matching tracksuits and v-live streams, we hardly knew thee

To Kyunghoon's relief, the Knowing Brothers cast warm up to each other, some more literally than others. They say goodbye to Hwang Chiyeul and Kim Sehwang, welcome Lee Sangmin (who's so silent and still that Kyunghoon is worried that someone might force him to talk more to compensate). Everyone struggles through the messy concepts and ratings nadir, the unending 12-hour shoots for the glimmers of actual content that the production staff would cobble together. _Even the army was easier than this,_ Kyunghoon grumbles to himself, his bones aching from fatigue, as his manager drives him home from Heechul's apartment, where they had filmed some skits that he's certain will never make it on-air.

(But whenever Kyunghoon thinks about quitting, he remembers the lady who stopped him on the street to tell him, "I saw you on JTBC last night and I was relieved to find out you're not dead." Someday, it will be a funny anecdote to tell at a concert, but for now, he harbors the prick to his ego in his heart, a fresh addition to the collection of people who refer to Buzz in the past tense. He must endure this. He must.)

Finally, the production staff announce a format change into a classroom concept, with uniforms and transfer students and enforced banmal for all. There is ill-concealed doubt on everyone's faces and a loud squabble breaks out over what, exactly, does "banmal for all" mean, but with the screens above them flashing the show's plummeting numbers, literally anything has become a good idea.

Shortly after Director Yeo ends the meeting, Heechul pulls Kyunghoon aside into a deserted corridor, and says, pursed lips, "You've got the right attitude, but you might bleed to death biting your tongue trying not to say 'hyung'."

"Hyung—" Kyunghoon protests, flushing.

Heechul laughs at him, but it has the odd timbre of kindness, an inside joke shared only by them in this corner of this hallway of this studio. "You'll get used to it. Just follow my lead." Tips his head in thought, says, "Say my name. Starting now, on Thursdays, I'm just 'Heechul'."

"Heechul—" Kyunghoon parrots, the tip of his tongue pressing hard against the roof of his mouth in a herculean effort not to form the next habitual syllables. The cut-off honorific still comes out as a tiny gasp—but in it is also a promise that their show's last desperate attempt may, improbably, work.

"Good," Heechul exhales, not taking his eyes off Kyunghoon, his hand squeezing Kyunghoon's wrist in reassurance. This close to him, Kyunghoon's surprised to notice that Heechul is slightly shorter than him (he's felt, from afar, larger than life). "You'll fit in with the rest of us psychos just fine."

Yet— Kyunghoon does feel out of place, like they're all already playing the second verse while he's stuck hopelessly stuttering through the first. It doesn't help that, after their first excruciating gathering as members, he declines all of Janghoon and Hodong's next invitations to post-shoot drinks, citing the long(-ish) trip back to Namyangju and hiding behind Sangmin when they insist. He doesn't think they miss him; most of the cold-open chatter flies above his head, and it's only Heechul's occasional steadying hand at his back, his arm, his shoulder keeping him grounded.


	10. i want to occupy your mind (taxi episode 453) (established relationship)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another ficlet inspired by their taxi episode, now with 100% less breakups and sadness

An entire week without public appearances wasn't a cause for celebration, according to Kyunghoon's agency, but he didn't care. It was glorious. He didn't have to go out, didn't have to comb his hair, or change out of his sweatpants, or shave. Even when Heechul came over for Sunday lunch with his parents, Kyunghoon only bothered to find the least-wrinkled shirt on the pile on his floor, and waved away his mom's fretting that he should dress up for guests. No way he would tell her that Heechul had already seen him in worse states of undress, especially because otherwise, his parents wouldn't have so cheerily left them alone in the house so they could go on their post-lunch walk.

From his perch on the kitchen counter, he told Heechul for what felt like the fifth time, "You don't have to clean up, hyung, I can do that later."

Pursing his lips, Heechul bent his head over the sink, his over-long fringe shading his features. "Just thanking your parents for being so unusually chill about letting the guy who deflowered their son hang out in their house," he said airily, above the din of splashing water.

Kyunghoon cringed. "That's such a disgusting statement. I don't even know where to begin." He rubbed his face, his five-day scruff prickling at his palm. "You know perfectly well that my parents like you. Did I ever tell you how angry my mom got at a lady at her Bible study who called you rude?"

Heechul fumbled for the plate he was scrubbing. "She got what?"

"Scolded her in the middle of a deep discussion of the Beatitudes. It was a very David and Goliath situation." The memory of his mom reenacting the hellfire and brimstone she rained down on the lady over dinner was a memory Kyunghoon would always cherish.

Heechul paled, then turned pink. "Has she seen me on TV? 'Rude' is an accurate adjective."

"My mom watches everything I'm in and you're usually there. She saw your fridge on Taxi, almost made me drive to SM Entertainment so she talk to your nutritionist," he said, because 'Whenever she sees you on TV, she tells my dad that you're one of the best things to ever happen to me' was a little too intense for their current relationship level, which was tentatively transitioning from post-platonic noraebang dates to something more serious.

Other things that were above their relationship level: the simmering words in Kyunghoon's chest, that wanted to point out that Heechul had been granted standing invitations to the Min family Sunday lunch _and_ taste-test nights at Woohyun's Thai restaurant, which had never been given to any of his previous partners, and which Kyunghoon would deny as being unique if Heechul were ever to ask. Needing a diversion from the uncomfortable swell of sticky feelings, Kyunghoon hopped down from the counter, walked over to Heechul, and kissed him. Luckily, Heechul saw him coming, smoothly let go of his sponge and dried his hands before wrapping his arms around Kyunghoon.

Kissing Heechul lit up all of Kyunghoon's senses. There was so much to catalogue: Heechul's pupils dilating as Kyunghoon leans in, their noses bumping together, Heechul's meet-the-parents cologne, the obscene sound of Heechul sucking on Kyunghoon's bottom lip, the faint taste of his mom's special naengmyeon on Heechul's tongue. Time passed slowly when they kissed, syrupy like honey but sweeter, more satisfying. When they reluctantly came up for air, Kyunghoon's eyes caught on the reddening patches appearing around Heechul's mouth, which had not been there a few seconds ago. 

Kyunghoon should have paid attention to his dad leaving a newly-purchased pack of safety razors on his desk yesterday.

Attempting to extract himself from their embrace, Kyunghoon said, "I'll go shave, clean myself up," but Heechul tightened his grip.

"—stay here," he said.

"But your face—" Kyunghoon ghosted his fingertips on the edge of Heechul's jaw. Upon contact with the tender skin, Heechul shivered. It was not the reaction of someone in pain. This was more like the time Kyunghoon, giddy from the success of Sweet Dream, tousled Heechul's hair and learned that he had a stupidly sensitive scalp.

Heechul _liked_ it. For whatever reason, the beard burn was turning him on.

"Really?" Kyunghoon couldn't help but ask. He knew he could grow a decent beard if he tried, but he hadn't been trying, only lazy. His current facial hair was scraggly, uneven, and prominently featured a mustache that could get him arrested if he exposed it to the public. Surely Heechul had better taste than that.

Heechul shot him a dirty look. "At this moment you're disrespecting a Dior shirt by treating it like pajamas, and your cowlick is a disaster, and you didn't even help me wash the dishes. Do I even have to say it? I am into everything you do."

He looked so pissed off at having to admit this to Kyunghoon's face that Kyunghoon had to hide his grin into the curve of Heechul's shoulder. Giddily, he brushed his cheek against the exposed skin closest to him, which happened to be the side of Heechul's neck. Heard the moan Heechul couldn't hold back; felt his thighs spread to better cradle Kyunghoon's legs between them.

"Oh my god, you're a menace," Heechul said, but his tone was not at all mad about it. To encourage him, Kyunghoon rubbed harder, and the feeling of his chin rasping roughly against Heechul's soft, bare skin made his cock twitch in his pants. _I'm into everything you do, too,_ Kyunghoon thought, _good to know we're on the same page._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they're so in love, and i'm so embarrassed for them
> 
> [kyunghoon wearing designer t-shirts at home](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PogYstuwZrk) is something i think about a lot


	11. let me feel your heartbeat (grow faster, faster) (episode 51) (hand kissing)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lee sangjoon, who appeared in episode 51, is the composer of 'sweet dream', 'aftereffects', 'you don't know men', among others.

(Much, much later: Kyunghoon will insist, _It's an accident_ —and sulk until Heechul gives in and agrees with a laugh.)

Heechul's done recording his vocals and now they're monitoring the track. This is the first time they'll be hearing their very first song together, and without a word, Heechul takes Kyunghoon's hand in his as the engineer presses play. Heechul's palm is a little damp, Kyunghoon notes with some surprise, but he doesn't comment on it. His own grip on Heechul's fingers is a little too tight.

He hopes that he's done Sangjoon's music and Heechul's words justice. 

When the chorus kicks in—when they're actually singing together, their voices twining like paired vines, a glissando of electricity trills through the length of Kyunghoon's body. In the booth, he'd been too focused maintaining their matching (and restraining himself from making habitual eye contact—"Stop looking at Heechul," Sangjoon-hyung had to keep reminding him, "and point your mouth towards the mic, hmm?") to really step outside the claustrophobic confines of his heaving chest, his straining throat. Now, without his own fretting to distract him, he has time to marvel at how well he and Heechul can sing together.

(He'd never tell Heechul, but he'd had his doubts, back when their project group had no name and barely any concept or direction. Not about Heechul's singing, never about his musicianship or talent or passion or work ethic, obviously. But Heechul—the Heechul outside the confines of the show, the one that the hyungs and their guests tells stories about, vivid and hazy to Kyunghoon's imagination—is a stranger to Kyunghoon.

Would it be worth it, to step outside the insular, insulated comfort of his members and their routine, and try a new partnership that would last longer than one singing competition, one episode of a TV show? He's already endured one disbandment; he doesn't think he can weather another and remain intact.)

As he listens intently, he brings his knuckles up to his mouth, an unconscious habitual gesture when he's trying to tamp down on his own excitement—and freezes, because that's not his own skin his lips are touching. A sweetly-scented velvet-soft texture that he knows even with his eyes closed.

Groaning inwardly, and suddenly alert to the cameras filming them, Kyunghoon scrounges for and fails to come up with a coherent excuse—'Sorry for kissing your hand, hyung, but not that sorry, because your hand is in the top 10 parts of your body I want to kiss' may not cut it—and is about to fling himself to the ground in embarrassment, when he hears a noise from Heechul's direction, a faint sound, almost inaudible under the music, except to Kyunghoon's hyper-aware senses.

It doesn't sound offended, or appalled, or even surprised.

Kyunghoon chances a glance at Heechul. Tongue darting out to touch the corner of his mouth, millimeters from the hand he'd so carelessly kissed; Heechul's thumb twitches, and bright pink spots dot the high points of his cheeks.

_our flower can’t wither  
it blooms in our hearts_

Ah.

At the affectionate wonder gentling Heechul's sharp features, something bright and hot and promising kindles behind Kyunghoon's ribs—the smallest thorn, a hopeful pain pricking at his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wanted to write a small piece of light hand-kissing: ✓ 
> 
> sweet dream lyrics translation by [ccl](https://colorcodedlyrics.com/2017/08/heechul-huicheol-x-min-kyung-hoon-mingyeonghun-sweet-dream-nabijam)


End file.
